Yes, we all love books here. In fact, you should probably be reading one instead of this website, but come on. You’re on the toilet or the subway right now. That’s no time for mind-expanding fiction.
Sometimes, you want to unwind with a few funny short jokes. Thankfully, that’s really all anyone is posting on Twitter these days (unless you count all the un-Democratic misinformation. There’s always room for that on social media.).
Not everyone is built to write the next great American novel. Some people like to fit their genius ideas into a tweet under 240 characters. That’s good for everyone. We don’t always have the attention span for a long, drawn-out essay about our first sexual experience or a reflection on the pervasive ennui that affects all novelists. None of these people have the attention span to write anything longer, I promise you.
Unless we’re counting a half-hour comedy spec script. Many of the people below have a ton of those. For now, let’s read the funny tweets that deserve a Pulitzer.
Here are the funniest tweets I had time to find this week:
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Watching the new Jurassic World trailer and thinking maybe we should just give the dinosaurs one more shot with the planet.
— Josh Gondelman (@joshgondelman) February 13, 2022
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I’m not a big sports guy. i just asked ‘what act we’re in’
— Raanan Hershberg (@Raanancomedy) February 14, 2022
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Big freelance gig came in. $200 to "write a new script that's something like this?" Attached was the Parks And Rec pilot.
— Dan Wilbur (@DanWilbur) February 7, 2022
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Celebrities starring in crypto ads should have to disclose if they were paid in crypto or in real money.
— Alison Leiby (@AlisonLeiby) February 14, 2022
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I like thick 50 too but I don’t know if I’d go this far pic.twitter.com/Ei2aMHEXKC
— Mark Agee (@MarkAgee) February 14, 2022
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The winter sucks so bad that people need to be reminded they’re loved mid-February.
— Brent Terhune in Little Rock Feb 16-19 (@BrentTerhune) February 14, 2022
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Eminem no longer the rapper with the worst response to a Kim leaving him
— Mohanad (@MohanadElshieky) February 13, 2022
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Zoom meeting at 8:30 AM
Me at 8:29 AM: pic.twitter.com/ziojT43xck
— C.J. Lawrence (@CJLawrenceEsq) February 14, 2022
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Today, a lot of women are opening their Valentine’s gift of leftover Super Bowl nachos.
— Conan O'Brien (@ConanOBrien) February 14, 2022
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One reason I still have trouble believing crypto currency is money is that there aren’t commercials for money.
— Noah Garfinkel (@NoahGarfinkel) February 14, 2022
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Don’t tell me my generation isn’t tough. We walked around in these 😤 pic.twitter.com/rK5dLul3S9
— anything for SELiNAS 🤌🏽 (@Sleeee_33) February 14, 2022
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Women over 30, after 2 dates: pic.twitter.com/OSStWOIetf
— FunnyMaine (@FunnyMaine) February 14, 2022
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me: i majored in english because I love reading books 🙂
me, when i have to read books for my major: noooo not like that
— chai ♡ (@proyearner) February 14, 2022
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mom asked if Grindr is for “ordering subs” and i just walked out of the room
— lisa barlow’s diet coke (@SpiceBoyJoey) February 14, 2022
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When someone makes me watch a video on their phone pic.twitter.com/QBvbrTbHP7
— Luke Mones (@LukeMones) February 12, 2022
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I asked my dad what he’s doing for Valentine’s Day and he said “your mom and I have been married 40 years so we don’t care about stuff like that” then I asked my mom what she’s doing for Valentine’s Day and she said “idk but I hope your dad has something fun planned!”
— Robert Schultz (@_RobertSchultz) February 14, 2022
See more funny content from Better Book Titles:
Here Are Some Hilarious Fake Retitles For Famous Children’s Books (33 Pics)
Wow, There’s A Sentence I’ve Never Read Before (30 Pics)
Everybody’s A Critic – The Best Of The Worst Funny One-Star Reviews On Goodreads
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