Sometimes, you want to unwind with a few funny short jokes. Thankfully, that’s really all anyone is posting on Twitter these days (unless you count all the un-Democratic misinformation. There’s always room for that on social media.).
Not everyone is built to write the next great American novel. Some people like to fit their genius ideas into a tweet under 240 characters. That’s good for everyone. We don’t always have the attention span for a long, drawn-out essay about our first sexual experience or a reflection on the pervasive ennui that affects all novelists. None of these people have the attention span to write anything longer, I promise you.
Unless we’re counting a half-hour comedy spec script. Many of the people below have a ton of those. For now, let’s read the funny tweets that deserve a Pulitzer.
Here are the funniest tweets I had time to find this week:
Watching the new Jurassic World trailer and thinking maybe we should just give the dinosaurs one more shot with the planet.
— Josh Gondelman (@joshgondelman) February 13, 2022
I’m not a big sports guy. i just asked ‘what act we’re in’
— Raanan Hershberg (@Raanancomedy) February 14, 2022
Big freelance gig came in. $200 to "write a new script that's something like this?" Attached was the Parks And Rec pilot.
— Dan Wilbur (@DanWilbur) February 7, 2022
Celebrities starring in crypto ads should have to disclose if they were paid in crypto or in real money.
— Alison Leiby (@AlisonLeiby) February 14, 2022
I like thick 50 too but I don’t know if I’d go this far pic.twitter.com/Ei2aMHEXKC
— Mark Agee (@MarkAgee) February 14, 2022
The winter sucks so bad that people need to be reminded they’re loved mid-February.
— Brent Terhune in Little Rock Feb 16-19 (@BrentTerhune) February 14, 2022
Eminem no longer the rapper with the worst response to a Kim leaving him
— Mohanad (@MohanadElshieky) February 13, 2022
Zoom meeting at 8:30 AM
Me at 8:29 AM: pic.twitter.com/ziojT43xck
— C.J. Lawrence (@CJLawrenceEsq) February 14, 2022
Today, a lot of women are opening their Valentine’s gift of leftover Super Bowl nachos.
— Conan O'Brien (@ConanOBrien) February 14, 2022
One reason I still have trouble believing crypto currency is money is that there aren’t commercials for money.
— Noah Garfinkel (@NoahGarfinkel) February 14, 2022
Don’t tell me my generation isn’t tough. We walked around in these 😤 pic.twitter.com/rK5dLul3S9
— anything for SELiNAS 🤌🏽 (@Sleeee_33) February 14, 2022
Women over 30, after 2 dates: pic.twitter.com/OSStWOIetf
— FunnyMaine (@FunnyMaine) February 14, 2022
me: i majored in english because I love reading books 🙂
me, when i have to read books for my major: noooo not like that
— chai ♡ (@proyearner) February 14, 2022
mom asked if Grindr is for “ordering subs” and i just walked out of the room
— lisa barlow’s diet coke (@SpiceBoyJoey) February 14, 2022
When someone makes me watch a video on their phone pic.twitter.com/QBvbrTbHP7
— Luke Mones (@LukeMones) February 12, 2022
I asked my dad what he’s doing for Valentine’s Day and he said “your mom and I have been married 40 years so we don’t care about stuff like that” then I asked my mom what she’s doing for Valentine’s Day and she said “idk but I hope your dad has something fun planned!”
— Robert Schultz (@_RobertSchultz) February 14, 2022
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