Yes, we all love books here. In fact, you should probably be reading one instead of this website, but come on. You’re on the toilet or the subway right now. That’s no time for mind-expanding fiction.
Sometimes, you want to unwind with a few funny short jokes. Thankfully, that’s really all anyone is posting on Twitter these days (unless you count all the un-Democratic misinformation. There’s always room for that on social media.).
Not everyone is built to write the next great American novel. Some people like to fit their genius ideas into a tweet under 240 characters. That’s good for everyone. We don’t always have the attention span for a long, drawn-out essay about our first sexual experience or a reflection on the pervasive ennui that affects all novelists. None of these people have the attention span to write anything longer, I promise you.
Unless we’re counting a half-hour comedy spec script. Many of the people below have a ton of those. For now, let’s read the funny tweets that deserve a Pulitzer.
Here are the funniest tweets I had time to find this week:
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https://twitter.com/JimMcVeigh/status/1524095385043709954?s=20&t=WZG8vvzomkWb60MkDXPtaw
10.
https://twitter.com/ginnyhogan_/status/1524724916649664512?s=20&t=WZG8vvzomkWb60MkDXPtaw
11.
If Goofy shows up to your party and he's dressed like a normal man from the '90s or 2000s, you might be okay. If he's got his vest and his stupid green hat… buddy, you're already fucked
— The Man of Astoria (@depechejoe) April 29, 2020
12.
https://twitter.com/SomersErin/status/1525854012855173125?s=20&t=ZILp8AFbduFYVjxr8HOcVg
13.
I texted a friend asking if he wanted to do something, and rather than giving an excuse, he simply wrote back "sorry, I'm not interested in doing that" and I think what we all need now is his therapist's phone number.
— Dan Wilbur (@DanWilbur) May 16, 2022
14.
why’d they make him look like that one Ben Stiller character in Tropic Thunder https://t.co/TQbpDvzKy7
— paige (@BonerWizard) May 15, 2022
15.
I have never seen someone juggle and thought “I hope this continues”
— Andrea More (@amore_orless) May 15, 2022
16.
so so excited that my first bite of the season was from a woman mosquito!!!! sometimes it’s hard to see but things ARE getting better 🙂
— caroline doyle (@cd0yl3) May 15, 2022
17.
https://twitter.com/Subhah/status/1525568051847917569?s=20&t=WZG8vvzomkWb60MkDXPtaw
18.
Left the back door open at my friend's house and her roomba escaped. Hope he goes on an adventure and cleans the whole world
— Carmen Lagala (@CarmenLagala) May 12, 2022
19.
feeling sad today. can everyone please send cute pictures of their credit card, front and back?
— trash jones (@jzux) May 7, 2022
20.
At my funeral, take the bouquet off my coffin and throw it into the crowd to see who is next.
— Margo Howard (@Margoandhow) May 12, 2022
21.
We don’t need gun control. We just need to avoid churches, malls, supermarkets, mosques, concerts, synagogues, cinemas, parks, pre-schools, middle schools, high schools, college campuses, mass transportation, the outdoors in general… (1/513)
— Patton Oswalt (@pattonoswalt) May 15, 2022
22.
https://twitter.com/NinaStrohminger/status/1524731057202946050?s=20&t=WZG8vvzomkWb60MkDXPtaw
23.
https://twitter.com/alexgmurd/status/1524800775179968513?s=20&t=tSgfYrNkuwRRPzytDIwQGQ
24.
If Democrats can't stop Republican lawmakers from making it easy for Republican mass murderers to get their hands on assault weapons, then I have no choice but to vote Republican in 2022.
— DougJBalloon (@DougJBalloon) May 16, 2022
25.
The most dramatic moment in 21st Century literature pic.twitter.com/jYME7pCVyP
— Kate Hewson (@katejhewson) May 12, 2022
See more great posts from Better Book Titles:
Here Are Some Hilarious Fake Retitles For Famous Children’s Books (33 Pics)
Wow, There’s A Sentence I’ve Never Read Before (30 Pics)
Everybody’s A Critic – The Best Of The Worst Funny One-Star Reviews On Goodreads
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