Yes, we all love books here. In fact, you should probably be reading one instead of this website, but come on. You’re on the toilet or the subway right now. That’s no time for mind-expanding fiction.
Sometimes, you want to unwind with a few funny short jokes. Thankfully, that’s really all anyone is posting on Twitter these days (unless you count all the un-Democratic misinformation. There’s always room for that on social media.).
Not everyone is built to write the next great American novel. Some people like to fit their genius ideas into a tweet under 240 characters. That’s good for everyone. We don’t always have the attention span for a long, drawn-out essay about our first sexual experience or a reflection on the pervasive ennui that affects all novelists. None of these people have the attention span to write anything longer, I promise you.
Unless we’re counting a half-hour comedy spec script. Many of the people below have a ton of those. For now, let’s read the funny tweets that deserve a Pulitzer.
Here are the funniest tweets I had time to find this week:
I hate when someone makes an Instagram for their pet and then spells all the words wrong.
Either your dog is smart enough to set up, build & maintain a successful social media presence or he isn’t.
If you expect me to believe a dog did all this I think he can also spell “hungry.”
— Andrew Nadeau (@TheAndrewNadeau) May 8, 2022
i want to be sooooo rich someday like even have enough to rent a 1 bedroom
— charlie (@chunkbardey) May 8, 2022
being a high functioning crazy person is so weird like one minute im on the floor literally screaming and crying and writhing around and the next minute im answering an email like “hi! Attached is the signed PDF. Have a good weekend!”
— dana bad (@baddanadanabad) May 8, 2022
Happy Mother’s Day 💐 pic.twitter.com/CdVVEUqpez
— Dan White (@atdanwhite) May 8, 2022
Hi, I'm one of the guys responsible for the Iraq War. Here's why protesting is wrong
— ben flores redemption arc (@limitlessjest) May 8, 2022
If pregnancy is “God’s will”, so is impotence.
— Jo 🌻 (@JoJoFromJerz) May 8, 2022
my wife came back from the multiverse of madness. yeah she said there was even a universe where i was ugly and lazy. i said which one was that? she said this one pic.twitter.com/ptJKShGELp
— Ben Rosen (@ben_rosen) May 8, 2022
AMC should rent out this space for weddings pic.twitter.com/E8Fg1eGuCl
— Ben Crew – Muppets Gatsby (@BenjaminCrew1) May 6, 2022
The title “Stop Making Sense” came to David Byrne minutes after a child explained that he eats Apple Jacks even though they don’t taste like apples.
— Fake Music Facts (@FakeMusicFact) May 7, 2022
Twin Peaks: The Return (2017) pic.twitter.com/lmBNSRHOeX
— dogmeat (@dogmeats_town) May 6, 2022
My cat when I pet him 1 second too long pic.twitter.com/i4hmi2RAnq
— memes i wish i could tag my cat in (@memesiwish) May 6, 2022
haven’t gone back to the gym since i kept using my phone and someone asked me if it’s fingers day
— omosefé. (@birkinmami) May 6, 2022
Let's start an anti-acknowledgement section for manuscripts, where you call out the people who unnecessarily made your life more difficult during the project
— Daniel Gould (@DJGould94) May 5, 2022
Doing yoga today in an attempt to recover from the yoga I did two days ago
— Jill Twiss (@jilltwiss) May 9, 2022
Love hearing about ‘the sanctity of life’ from the same people who have spent the last two years arguing that killing grandma is a small price to pay for being able to sit in an Applebee’s.
— Damion Schubert, Zen Designer (@ZenOfDesign) May 8, 2022
No I didn’t tweet a joke I’ve already tweeted, I staged a revival
— gianmarco (@GianmarcoSoresi) May 9, 2022
See more great posts from Better Book Titles:
Here Are Some Hilarious Fake Retitles For Famous Children’s Books (33 Pics)
Wow, There’s A Sentence I’ve Never Read Before (30 Pics)
Everybody’s A Critic – The Best Of The Worst Funny One-Star Reviews On Goodreads
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