Yes, we all love books here. In fact, you should probably be reading one instead of this website, but come on. You’re on the toilet or the subway right now. That’s no time for mind-expanding fiction.
Sometimes, you want to unwind with a few funny short jokes. Thankfully, that’s really all anyone is posting on Twitter these days (unless you count all the un-Democratic misinformation. There’s always room for that on social media.).
Not everyone is built to write the next great American novel. Some people like to fit their genius ideas into a tweet under 240 characters. That’s good for everyone. We don’t always have the attention span for a long, drawn-out essay about our first sexual experience or a reflection on the pervasive ennui that affects all novelists. None of these people have the attention span to write anything longer, I promise you.
Unless we’re counting a half-hour comedy spec script. Many of the people below have a ton of those. For now, let’s read the funny tweets that deserve a Pulitzer.
Here are the funniest tweets I had time to find this week:
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Men will literally offer to buy Twitter instead of taking care of their son named R2D2.
— H1BeatingMyShit (@Dary0ush_) April 14, 2022
11.
https://twitter.com/kibblesmith/status/1514675008437641221?s=20&t=GJ5BWp0lmqcS2xOCjP2hyw
12.
tfw you’re leaving the party but nobody notices pic.twitter.com/riRmISXsMz
— Isle McElroy (@isle_mcelroy) April 8, 2022
13.
stop glamorising The Hustle and start glamorising whatever lifestyle this is pic.twitter.com/DWZhPYw8A4
— Grace Jarvis (@gracejarvisohno) April 13, 2022
14.
https://twitter.com/clhubes/status/1513865616905715712?s=20&t=GJ5BWp0lmqcS2xOCjP2hyw
15.
Baffling that people who believe in intelligent design also believe God made a whoopsie and had to drown everyone and start over.
— Dan Wilbur (@DanWilbur) April 18, 2022
16.
https://twitter.com/BrittanyMeansIt/status/1514382105475657732?s=20&t=1JnAdoqkli7uUNX2in9cpw
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https://twitter.com/crotchner/status/1514411863295025160?s=20&t=0yD7FQGr7gpf_zLFVZ6EVw
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https://twitter.com/abbycohenwl/status/1513574882428088320?s=20&t=lfoCd1dWdr4bmRGuaPADtw
19.
microdosing catholicism by feeling vaguely ashamed all day for no particular reason
— trash jones (@jzux) April 13, 2022
20.
https://twitter.com/rising/status/1515438031628648448?s=20&t=lfoCd1dWdr4bmRGuaPADtw
21.
I went to church almost every Sunday for 14 years and can I be honest? I was not listening
— julia (@juliashiplett) April 17, 2022
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One of my favorite lies to tell myself is that a blueberry muffin is substantially more nutritious than a chocolate chip muffin.
— Josh Gondelman (@joshgondelman) April 15, 2022
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I don’t have any fur babies so I’m going to call my children “skin dogs.”
— Faith Salie (@Faith_Salie) April 13, 2022
24.
https://twitter.com/isabelzawtun/status/1513529024408133640?s=20&t=e7u5-kvWVPTBuNYApu7HOw
25.
https://twitter.com/ParkerMolloy/status/1515794004641779726?s=20&t=GJ5BWp0lmqcS2xOCjP2hyw
See more great posts from Better Book Titles:
Here Are Some Hilarious Fake Retitles For Famous Children’s Books (33 Pics)
Wow, There’s A Sentence I’ve Never Read Before (30 Pics)
Everybody’s A Critic – The Best Of The Worst Funny One-Star Reviews On Goodreads
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