Yes, we all love books here. In fact, you should probably be reading one instead of this website, but come on. You’re on the toilet or the subway right now. That’s no time for mind-expanding fiction.

Sometimes, you want to unwind with a few funny short jokes. Thankfully, that’s really all anyone is posting on Twitter these days (unless you count all the un-Democratic misinformation. There’s always room for that on social media.).

Not everyone is built to write the next great American novel. Some people like to fit their genius ideas into a tweet under 240 characters. That’s good for everyone. We don’t always have the attention span for a long, drawn-out essay about our first sexual experience or a reflection on the pervasive ennui that affects all novelists. None of these people have the attention span to write anything longer, I promise you.

Unless we’re counting a half-hour comedy spec script. Many of the people below have a ton of those. For now, let’s read the funny tweets that deserve a Pulitzer.

Here are the funniest tweets I had time to find this week:

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https://twitter.com/LailaLalami/status/1513242917711716352?s=20&t=0XH-Y1Anef–CQ8Ms9ZhLQ

11.

today was my brother’s bday party. we discussed my brother’s middle name, Arturo (Arthur in Spanish).

Mom: There was a popular Star Wars character loved in Peru named “Arturito,” so we went with that.

Me: WAIT DO YOU MEAN R2D2?!

Dad: Yes, the robot.

WHAT??!!! 🤯😭🤖☠️

— Rachy :3 (@rachy_) April 10, 2022

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https://twitter.com/imjasondiamond/status/1512513837827866632?s=20&t=0XH-Y1Anef–CQ8Ms9ZhLQ

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tumblr was a great place to get told "in case nobody's told you so today, you are LOVED and VALID" by someone who would leak your home address and social security number if you liked a show they hated

— chromegnomes.com (@chromegnomes) April 7, 2022

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https://twitter.com/TheLincoln/status/1512133197919830016?s=20&t=0XH-Y1Anef–CQ8Ms9ZhLQ

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https://twitter.com/RaphaelBW/status/1511238939599728642?s=20&t=0XH-Y1Anef–CQ8Ms9ZhLQ

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if Thanos' snap killed 50% of all life, that means that the survivors would have lost 50% of their gut biomes in an instant and spent the next few months power-blasting their bathrooms with diarrhea, in this essay I will-

— Janel Comeau 🍁 (@VeryBadLlama) April 3, 2022

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i was explaining what a seder plate is to my not jewish bf and he was like 'oh ok so its like fear factor'

— jamie manelis (@JamieManelis) April 10, 2022

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In third grade for school I had to learn all the words to “We Didn’t Start The Fire” and to this day I know the names of a lot of things that happened but not a single fact about any of them.

— Josh Gondelman (@joshgondelman) April 9, 2022

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https://twitter.com/BrotiGupta/status/1511451050015830019?s=20&t=20ZIrE6kZaD-TlH-zixA6w

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i was like “im worried everyone’s mad at me” and my bf was like “dana it’s 4 AM. you woke me up to say this. I’M mad at you.”

— dana bad (@baddanadanabad) April 6, 2022

21.

Every Hallmark romance movie is like "yeahhhh you wanna live in a small town"

And every Hallmark mystery series is like "YOU ABSOLUTELY DO NOT WANT TO LIVE IN A SMALL TOWN"

— J. (@learnteachwin) April 3, 2022

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https://twitter.com/rachelholliday/status/1511740513753440259?s=20&t=ikHKV6z-KKZSrylDVxGMsQ

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https://twitter.com/sophiepenrose/status/1511226672133156867?s=20&t=74c9gJwiwXcaulQIRWKWtA

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https://twitter.com/olliegrace/status/1511333298517159943?s=20&t=Xevjw2I2XxfeDaD6oFz56w

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See more great posts from Better Book Titles:

• Here Are Some Hilarious Fake Retitles For Famous Children’s Books (33 Pics)

• Wow, There’s A Sentence I’ve Never Read Before (30 Pics)

• Everybody’s A Critic – The Best Of The Worst Funny One-Star Reviews On Goodreads