Yes, we all love books here. In fact, you should probably be reading one instead of this website, but come on. You’re on the toilet or the subway right now. That’s no time for mind-expanding fiction.
Sometimes, you want to unwind with a few funny short jokes. Thankfully, that’s really all anyone is posting on Twitter these days (unless you count all the un-Democratic misinformation. There’s always room for that on social media.).
Not everyone is built to write the next great American novel. Some people like to fit their genius ideas into a tweet under 240 characters. That’s good for everyone. We don’t always have the attention span for a long, drawn-out essay about our first sexual experience or a reflection on the pervasive ennui that affects all novelists. None of these people have the attention span to write anything longer, I promise you.
Unless we’re counting a half-hour comedy spec script. Many of the people below have a ton of those. For now, let’s read the funny tweets that deserve a Pulitzer.
Here are the funniest tweets I had time to find this week:
I’ve never seen an episode of Ted Lasso but its fans have big “childless adult whose entire personality is predicated on their love of Disneyland” energy
— Megan Beth Koester (@bornferal) February 20, 2022
Mrs. Dalloway said she would adapt NFTs for film and TV herself.
— Maris Kreizman (@mariskreizman) February 21, 2022
I'll straight up leave a mic at a coat check and wear a coat to a mic check I really don't give a shit anymore.
— George Wallace (@MrGeorgeWallace) February 20, 2022
hi twitter I just learned that the UK edition of dollar tree is this and I may never recover pic.twitter.com/EegXUwFV32
— Margaret McDeadlines Owen (@what_eats_owls) February 16, 2022
Please try my new game, Turtle. It's like Wordle, but you just hold a turtle in real life for as long as you want. You can kiss the turtle.
— joey alison sayers (@joeyalison) February 15, 2022
If audiobooks aren’t “real books” then how come the audio version of Outlander still made me super horny???
— Dan Wilbur (@DanWilbur) February 17, 2022
I want a movie where Batman takes on white collar crime. Just auditing dudes with his bat-culator, still wearing the whole suit.
— Josh Gondelman (@joshgondelman) February 20, 2022
I found it, guys – the best book cover pic.twitter.com/cbce3zlJrQ
— David Hering (@hering_david) February 21, 2022
I need more loaves of bread made for people who live alone. Like 4 -5 slices max.
What Imma do with 20 slices of bread in 1.5 weeks?
— Jasmyn (@JasmynBeKnowing) February 20, 2022
my dog sighs a lot for somebody who doesn’t contribute to this house or know what a government is
— sloane (sîpihkopiyesîs) (@cottoncandaddy) February 16, 2022
As a pregnant woman in my early 30s my Ohio friends think “good for her, having a kid in old age!” And my Los Angeles friends think “good for her, a teen mom!”
— Chelsea Davison (@chelsea_davison) February 17, 2022
As a teen: hiding in the shed, secretly drinking.
As a dad: hiding in the shed, secretly drinking.
— Daddy Go Fish (@daddygofish) February 17, 2022
No one ever talks about the miraculous feats of strength it takes for a mom to lift a car ONTO a toddler
— Jill Twiss (@jilltwiss) February 20, 2022
You could say I’m a real gym rat (I crawl around on the floor, people recoil at the sight of me, I’m the reason my local YMCA got shut down)
— J.P. McDade (@jp_mcdade) February 20, 2022
by age 30 you should have 7 gmail accounts, 4 inactive side twitters, an abandoned fanfiction dot net account, and an instagram with 2 pictures of your cat
— a shizun can be a wife (@any_open_eye) February 17, 2022
i stuttered twice at the drive thru and just drove off
— Noah ✵ (@noahdonotcare) February 20, 2022
See more funny content from Better Book Titles:
Here Are Some Hilarious Fake Retitles For Famous Children’s Books (33 Pics)
Wow, There’s A Sentence I’ve Never Read Before (30 Pics)
Everybody’s A Critic – The Best Of The Worst Funny One-Star Reviews On Goodreads
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