Yes, we all love books here. In fact, you should probably be reading one instead of this website, but come on. You’re on the toilet or the subway right now. That’s no time for mind-expanding fiction.
Sometimes, you want to unwind with a few funny short jokes. Thankfully, that’s really all anyone is posting on Twitter these days (unless you count all the un-Democratic misinformation. There’s always room for that on social media.).
Not everyone is built to write the next great American novel. Some people like to fit their genius ideas into a tweet under 240 characters. That’s good for everyone. We don’t always have the attention span for a long, drawn-out essay about our first sexual experience or a reflection on the pervasive ennui that affects all novelists. None of these people have the attention span to write anything longer, I promise you.
Unless we’re counting a half-hour comedy spec script. Many of the people below have a ton of those. For now, let’s read the funny tweets that deserve a Pulitzer.
Here are the funniest tweets I had time to find this week:
ah the three genders pic.twitter.com/9tKsN87FWE
— ely kreimendahl (@ElyKreimendahl) January 8, 2022
Just went to Michael's and loaded up on Christmas stuff for next year – 70% off. My blood is flooded with auntibodies
— Sara Schaefer (@saraschaefer1) January 7, 2022
Happy Jan 6th to all who celibate
— Jess Dweck (@TheDweck) January 6, 2022
somebody fucking stop him pic.twitter.com/hbULxPgxdc
— Pigeon Fancier (@isabelzawtun) January 6, 2022
Atlas Shrugged (it made so many people who read it insufferable!
(I have not read it)) pic.twitter.com/E8hdyiE0xp
— Better Book Titles (@betterbooktitle) January 6, 2022
When crickets tell each other jokes, they must assume it's going terribly.
— mark normand (@marknorm) January 7, 2022
Happy anniversary to the last time a Republican actually took a stand pic.twitter.com/1Vroy1TYtD
— Zack Bornstein (@ZackBornstein) January 6, 2022
well no wonder he wasn’t a vaginal birth https://t.co/nLgtjjG2Zf
— Brandy Jensen (@BrandyLJensen) January 4, 2022
My gf wants a $6000 wedding dress. I asked her to marry me. She asked me to rob a bank.
— Anthony DeVito (@AnthonyDeVito_) January 5, 2022
Alex said not today racetrac pic.twitter.com/YByziQcByU
— BERSERK (@srslyberserk) January 8, 2022
elmo speaks in third person because he's comfortable being the villain
— Becca O'Neal 🍒 (@becca_oneal) January 9, 2022
knitting is basically 3d printing with your bare hands, pretty metal
— Jenna Sauers (@jennasauers) January 9, 2022
5’4 mfs talking bout “my life a movie”yeah bro A Bug’s Life
— brian 𖤐 (@briantheruller) January 9, 2022
New CDC policy just dropped pic.twitter.com/7zWvBRbZ1O
— Zack Budryk (@BudrykZack) January 8, 2022
yeah i guess the speed of light is pretty fast if you’ve never seen a college alumni letter asking for donations get thrown out.
— Kalcified Korpse (@kylekinane) January 9, 2022
ONE MAN COVER BANDS
Al In Chains
Ted Hot Chili Peppers
REPLY WITH MORE!
— Andrés du Bouchet (@amdubouchet) January 5, 2022
See more great content from Better Book Titles:
Here Are Some Hilarious Fake Retitles For Famous Children’s Books (33 Pics)
Wow, There’s A Sentence I’ve Never Read Before (30 Pics)
Everybody’s A Critic – The Best Of The Worst Funny One-Star Reviews On Goodreads
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