Yes, we all love books here. In fact, you should probably be reading one instead of this website, but come on. You’re on the toilet or the subway right now. That’s no time for mind-expanding fiction.
Sometimes, you want to unwind with a few funny short jokes. Thankfully, that’s really all anyone is posting on Twitter these days (unless you count all the un-Democratic misinformation. There’s always room for that on social media.).
Not everyone is built to write the next great American novel. Some people like to fit their genius ideas into a tweet under 240 characters. That’s good for everyone. We don’t always have the attention span for a long, drawn-out essay about our first sexual experience or a reflection on the pervasive ennui that affects all novelists. None of these people have the attention span to write anything longer, I promise you.
Unless we’re counting a half-hour comedy spec script. Many of the people below have a ton of those. For now, let’s read the funny tweets that deserve a Pulitzer.
Here are the funniest tweets I had time to find this week:
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ah the three genders pic.twitter.com/9tKsN87FWE
— ely kreimendahl (@ElyKreimendahl) January 8, 2022
11.
Just went to Michael's and loaded up on Christmas stuff for next year – 70% off. My blood is flooded with auntibodies
— Sara Schaefer (@saraschaefer1) January 7, 2022
12.
Happy Jan 6th to all who celibate
— Jess Dweck (@TheDweck) January 6, 2022
13.
somebody fucking stop him pic.twitter.com/hbULxPgxdc
— Pigeon Fancier (@isabelzawtun) January 6, 2022
14.
Atlas Shrugged (it made so many people who read it insufferable!
(I have not read it)) pic.twitter.com/E8hdyiE0xp— Better Book Titles (@betterbooktitle) January 6, 2022
15.
When crickets tell each other jokes, they must assume it's going terribly.
— mark normand (@marknorm) January 7, 2022
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Happy anniversary to the last time a Republican actually took a stand pic.twitter.com/1Vroy1TYtD
— Zack Bornstein (@ZackBornstein) January 6, 2022
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well no wonder he wasn’t a vaginal birth https://t.co/nLgtjjG2Zf
— Brandy Jensen (@BrandyLJensen) January 4, 2022
18.
My gf wants a $6000 wedding dress. I asked her to marry me. She asked me to rob a bank.
— Anthony DeVito (@AnthonyDeVito_) January 5, 2022
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Alex said not today racetrac pic.twitter.com/YByziQcByU
— BERSERK (@srslyberserk) January 8, 2022
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elmo speaks in third person because he's comfortable being the villain
— Becca O'Neal 🍒 (@becca_oneal) January 9, 2022
21.
knitting is basically 3d printing with your bare hands, pretty metal
— Jenna Sauers (@jennasauers) January 9, 2022
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5’4 mfs talking bout “my life a movie”yeah bro A Bug’s Life
— brian 𖤐 (@briantheruller) January 9, 2022
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New CDC policy just dropped pic.twitter.com/7zWvBRbZ1O
— Zack Budryk (@BudrykZack) January 8, 2022
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yeah i guess the speed of light is pretty fast if you’ve never seen a college alumni letter asking for donations get thrown out.
— Kalcified Korpse (@kylekinane) January 9, 2022
25.
ONE MAN COVER BANDS
Jeff Leppard
Ned Zeppelin
Earl Jam
Al In Chains
Radiofred
Lou 2
Ted Hot Chili Peppers
Dan Steely
Jimagine DragonsREPLY WITH MORE!
— Andrés du Bouchet (@amdubouchet) January 5, 2022
See more great content from Better Book Titles:
Here Are Some Hilarious Fake Retitles For Famous Children’s Books (33 Pics)
Wow, There’s A Sentence I’ve Never Read Before (30 Pics)
Everybody’s A Critic – The Best Of The Worst Funny One-Star Reviews On Goodreads
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