Yes, we all love books here. In fact, you should probably be reading one instead of this website, but come on. You’re on the toilet or the subway right now. That’s no time for mind-expanding fiction.
Sometimes, you want to unwind with a few funny short jokes. Thankfully, that’s really all anyone is posting on Twitter these days (unless you count all the un-Democratic misinformation. There’s always room for that on social media.).
Not everyone is built to write the next great American novel. Some people like to fit their genius ideas into a tweet under 240 characters. That’s good for everyone. We don’t always have the attention span for a long, drawn-out essay about our first sexual experience or a reflection on the pervasive ennui that affects all novelists. None of these people have the attention span to write anything longer, I promise you.
Unless we’re counting a half-hour comedy spec script. Many of the people below have a ton of those. For now, let’s read the funny tweets that deserve a Pulitzer.
Here are the funniest tweets I had time to find this week:
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https://twitter.com/aparnapkin/status/1210999281760587777?s=20
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https://twitter.com/SomersErin/status/1473655604245893120?s=20
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https://twitter.com/MoiraDonegan/status/1475521330644754433?s=20
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https://twitter.com/rosebudbaker/status/1477834636004716544?s=20
14.
Face the sun and let the blood flow. Give your life to God. Kill and give birth. Then reward yourself with Burger King! Today only!
— eddie pepitone (@eddiepepitone) January 2, 2022
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hi friends- for the new year I’m taking a break from life so I can focus on social media. if you need me you can find me here, constantly
— ely kreimendahl (@ElyKreimendahl) December 31, 2021
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Q: Why we out here using horses to put an egg man back together again? pic.twitter.com/YaDP7cGjLg
— Jordan Carlos (@jordancarlos) December 31, 2021
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Who are you trying to fool, books that have Roman numeral pages before the regular numbered pages start?
— Josh Gondelman (@joshgondelman) January 2, 2022
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https://twitter.com/kathbarbadoro/status/1477056479790313476?s=20
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https://twitter.com/PhilanthropyGal/status/1477058809067716618?s=20
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Why can’t the government get tests out in the communities? They distributed crack way quicker than this.
— Blake Hammond (@BigRadMachine) December 30, 2021
21.
Hey babies pushing dolls in little strollers: the jig is up. we know you're a baby too.
— Luke Mones (@LukeMones) December 30, 2021
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Whenever I hear an ad say "find it wherever books are sold" I think that the advertiser doesn't know what a bookstore is.
— Better Book Titles (@betterbooktitle) December 27, 2021
23.
My son put some Trix in his ant farm. Instead of eating them, the ants dug up all of the dead ants in the farm and piled them on top of the Trix. Not sure what that means but I’m not eating Trix anymore.
— octopus/caveman (@octopuscaveman) December 29, 2021
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If you see a beer on tap in NYC named after the bar itself, buddy, you’re about to drink a $7 Pabst.
— Dan Wilbur (@DanWilbur) December 31, 2021
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https://twitter.com/daniellevalore/status/1476259406329307143?s=20
See more great content from Better Book Titles:
Here Are Some Hilarious Fake Retitles For Famous Children’s Books (33 Pics)
Wow, There’s A Sentence I’ve Never Read Before (30 Pics)
Everybody’s A Critic – The Best Of The Worst Funny One-Star Reviews On Goodreads
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