I’m once again calling for a total and complete shutdown of male authors writing about women until we figure out what the hell is going on. I kid, of course, but the prose people found in real published books are making me rethink many things. Frankly, I’m scared of being added to this list one day.
We’ve all been in a weird mood and written a few “she breasted boobily down the stairs” lines in our work. Better, then, to write sometime after you’ve had sex than try to store up the tension and use it as fuel to write. Unless, of course, you are writing a romance novel. But, even then? I hesitate to allow “writing while horny.”
Unfortunately, the Reddit forum r/MenWritingWomen seems to show a pattern. If you have a penis, you often use it instead of a pen to write about female characters. Sadly, the only cure is actually seeing women as human beings, and though many authors can conjure entire fantastical worlds, thinking about the internal story of some characters is a bridge too far.
Anyway, we’re not here today strictly to mock these writers. We’re also here to learn from their mistakes. Let the following pieces be a cautionary tale to anyone planning to write today.
Here are the funniest and saddest examples of men writing women:
1. Chef’s kiss.
2. Stan Lee actually wrote this gem.
3. All of these in one novel??
4. Even filmmakers are not immune.
5. Who could have known?
6. Uhh, excuse me?
7. The Bible started it all.
8. Wonder Woman
9. Important investigative journalism.
10. She’s gone and so are her boobs.
11. A mouth made for kissing not eating or breathing.
12. Calm down, sir.
13. Wow. I was not ready to read these words.
14. Casting breakdown written by a man.
16. Stephen King does so many things well. This is not one of them.
17. Yes. I am a human who has seen a mom and daughter interact before.
18. Murakami has one on every page, really.
19. Did a 12-year-old write this?
20. Sealed like the tomb they put Jesus in.
21. That’s not really how they work, bro.
22. Hard to describe how this is barely possible?
23. Men, please know that women will read these someday.
24. What the fuck am I reading here?
25. Yes. That’s how vaginas work. Yes.
26. Her what now?
27. A fun little parody (I hope).
28. Called out.
29. Finally, a very good tip that is probably true.
h/t Reddit: r/menwritingwomen