It only takes one bad opinion on Twitter to launch a mean-spirited but funny meme. Sadly, if you’re on Twitter, you will one day be ratio’d. (“Ratio’d” is when there are more (usually snarky) replies to your tweet than RTs and Faves, Mom.). Hopefully, though, when that day comes, you’ll take it in stride.
A since-deleted tweet giving people “Harsh Writing Advice” claimed that if you’re a writer, your fellow writers should be seen as competition, plain and simple. On the one hand, this perfectly sums up how to make it in any capitalist industry that requires standing out, finding a niche, and conquering your opponents who you want to “beat” through making more money than they do. On the other hand, it makes art into something akin to sports and will suck you into a vortex of envy that only depressed characters in Russian novels experience.
Frankly, “Harsh Writing Advice” that can end with “just saying!” or “sorry, not sorry!” is almost always bad. Fortunately, every single writer on Twitter immediately mocked and dismissed this idea, and in the process wrote their own funny advice.
Here’s the sincere (but bad) post where it all started:
It’s been an odd few years for writers. That one tweet wasn’t the only trend that sucked. As my friend and writer Lincoln Michel writes here, not everything you read about writing is a stratagem you should take to heart. You’ll go insane if you listen to everyone.
For now, though, let’s enjoy this hilarious meme that all started with some harsh advice.
Here are the funniest versions of the “HARSH WRITING ADVICE” memes writers on Twitter wrote:
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4.
HARSH WRITING ADVICE
okay so first u gotta start with the H. it sort of looks like two worms holding hands
for the A, it's the same worms, but kissing!!!
next is R, which like a P but with a little leggy
S is easy. just get the pen and go SWOOSH
and then another worms for H!
— Kate Gray (@hownottodraw) January 29, 2021
5.
harsh writing advice: you don’t always need to write the letters in the order they’re in in the alphabet, sometimes you can switch it up a bit
— pixelatedboat aka “mr tweets” (@pixelatedboat) January 29, 2021
6.
harsh writing advice: the phantom of the opera is in the public domain so if you are not writing a phantom of the opera retelling it is a hate crime
— Lindsay Ellis (@thelindsayellis) January 29, 2021
7.
HARSH WRITING ADVICE: pic.twitter.com/fCMwLvA8Re
— Abbi Crutchfield (@curlycomedy) January 29, 2021
8.
Harsh writing advice:
Don’t. Run. Escape while you still have the chance.
— April Avery (@breatheapril) January 30, 2021
9.
harsh writing advice: make sure your characters say epic stuff like “awesomesauce,” “fucknugget,” or “shitwizard” to sound relatable and cool to ANY reader. give them interesting character traits like “loving puns” or “knows about oxford comma”
— mattie (@Lubchansky) January 30, 2021
10.
Harsh writing advice:
There should be more talking animals in your fiction. Yes, yours. Specifically. No, it doesn’t matter what genre you used to write. You write furry now.
— Mary E. Lowd (@Ryffnah) January 31, 2021
11.
Harsh writing advice: Don't put in words what can be put in a montage set to Tubthumping or How to Save a Life (depending on tone of piece).
— my name is claudia (@fillerusername4) April 21, 2021
12.
harsh writing advice: read
— sam (@RhysticStudies) January 30, 2021
13.
Some HARSH writing advice:
1) You put the lime in the coconut
2) You shake it all up— A.R. Moxon (@JuliusGoat) February 2, 2021
14.
Harsh writing advice:
Quit. You’re bad at it and nobody cares.
— Lifelong Kraken Fan (@CokeEnjoyer) January 31, 2021
15.
HARSH WRITING ADVICE:
coffee.
— David M. Perry (@Lollardfish) January 31, 2021
16.
HARSH WRITING ADVICE stop writing there are enough writers thanks.
— Chris Regan (@ChrisRRegan) January 31, 2021
17.
HARSH WRITING ADVICE:
Write down ideas in your notes app throughout the day, you ugly piece of shit. You unlovable nobody. You absolute wretched piece of dog shit.— Jesse McLaren (@McJesse) January 31, 2021
18.
HARSH WRITING ADVICE pic.twitter.com/mUJNs4aQdg
— Mad Men Quotes (@MadMenQts) January 29, 2021
19.
Harsh writing advice: your project isn't garbage, you just need to go to bed.
— Rykie Bell, Rykie Bell, Rykie Bell(es) Rock (@withaYKIE) January 29, 2021
20.
harsh writing advice:
dracula is public domain so he should be in what you’re writing
— Celestial Genius and Haunted Trillionaire (@MummyMaster420) January 29, 2021
21.
harsh writing advice:
if you eat your writer friends you gain their ability
— it looks like you're writing a novel (@gr8writingtips) January 29, 2021
22.
harsh writing advice: your protagonist needs a GOAL (killing the emperor of Peru) that encounters an OBSTACLE (emperor is now a llama)
— Owl! at the Library 😴🧙♀️ (@SketchesbyBoze) January 29, 2021
23.
i don't need harsh writing advice i need three million dollars
— caleb hearon (@calebsaysthings) January 30, 2021
24.
HARSH WRITING AdvICe:
I don't know who needs to hear this but you have to get the fuck off Twitter and actually finish your book.
Oh wait, it's me.
I need to hear this.
— Elizabeth Bear (@matociquala) January 29, 2021
25.
HARSH WRITING ADVICE:
Thinking of your friends as competition isn’t going to make you a better writer, because no matter what imaginary horse race you invent, you can only write what you write. So write it.— Jessica Ellis (@baddestmamajama) January 29, 2021
26.
MISERABLE WRITING FACTOID:
If you use an adverb, a bird dies.
That’s how it goes.
— Chuck Wendig (@ChuckWendig) January 29, 2021
27. Actual bad news:
HARSH WRITING ADVICE: The first time you think your book is finished, you've actually reached the starting line and are ready to start writing the real version.
— Lilly Dancyger (@lillydancyger) January 29, 2021
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