Today we present a very special edition of the funniest tweets of the week. Elon Musk bought Twitter, and finally made comedy legal. Sadly, that meant getting roasted by every person who uses the app, including via parody accounts. Thankfully, we’ve saved a few of the truly great posts for posterity. Hopefully, you enjoy them.
Yes, we all love books here. In fact, you should probably be reading one instead of this website, but come on. You’re on the toilet or the subway right now. That’s no time for mind-expanding fiction.
Sometimes, you want to unwind with a few funny short jokes. Thankfully, that’s really all anyone is posting on Twitter these days (unless you count all the un-Democratic misinformation. There’s always room for that on social media.).
Not everyone is built to write the next great American novel. Some people like to fit their genius ideas into a tweet under 240 characters. That’s good for everyone. We don’t always have the attention span for a long, drawn-out essay about our first sexual experience or a reflection on the pervasive ennui that affects all novelists. None of these people have the attention span to write anything longer, I promise you.
Unless we’re counting a half-hour comedy spec script. Many of the people below have a ton of those. For now, let’s read the funny tweets that deserve a Pulitzer.
Here are the funniest tweets I had time to find this week:
In 7th grade, my friends and I convinced a large number of students to put the name “Heywood Jablome” in the school raffle and when the principal read the name in the gym, we all screamed for five straight minutes. Everyone got a detention. That’s how Twitter feels now.
— Dan Wilbur (@DanWilbur) November 11, 2022
My son, Elon Musk, loved to go down to the mines to tell the other children to work harder. Such a great manager!
— Hana Michels (parody) (@HanaMichels) November 13, 2022
this is like if the Hindenburg flew over the Titanic and the pilot told everyone to look out the window to see it sinking https://t.co/eRY3Twl5qR
— nobody (@petbugs13) November 12, 2022
being on Twitter right now is like playing the violin on the titanic except we are also making fun of the iceberg and the iceberg is getting genuinely mad
— 🌻✨️Lauren Dombrowski🏴☠️🍊 (@callmekitto) November 6, 2022
— Jonas (@jonastyle_) November 11, 2022
Twitter Blue has been permanently disabled after a verified Nintendo Macedonia account posted a picture of pregnant Luigi showing his prolapsed butthole to Waluigi. It was viewed 8 million times.
— Nude Gingrich (official) (@JarJarFan69) November 11, 2022
Love twitter’s “last days of an MMO before the server shuts down” energy
— Mike Drucker (@MikeDrucker) November 11, 2022
$8 basically gets you this on Twitter now pic.twitter.com/O3BzYoaP3T
— Aaron Rupar (@atrupar) November 9, 2022
an insecure narcissist buying a criticism factory
— mike ferguson (@Mik3Ferguson) November 7, 2022
I'm surprised so many academics have abandoned Twitter this quickly. They're usually such pros at soldiering cheerfully on as an institution collapses around them.
— Erin Bartram (@erin_bartram) November 8, 2022
How I, a Millenial, feel when people try to tell me I have to migrate to yet another social media platform that I don‘t understand: pic.twitter.com/gRRK7MI63g
— Steffi ❤️🖖🏻 (@Larkistin89) November 7, 2022
a poll with this many votes being this unanimous is insane but absolutely deserved pic.twitter.com/16jrshpBk3
— bada bing / bada boom (@jazz_inmypants) November 8, 2022
— mothman (@grantisdumb) November 7, 2022
he’s taking away our free speech pic.twitter.com/7AVIVGYkBQ
— Hurt CoPain (@SaeedDiCaprio) November 7, 2022
You can be sarcastic as long as you say "I am about to say something sarcastic" first. This will make comedy better
— Alex Norris (@dorrismccomics) November 7, 2022
Everything happening on Twitter now is a lot easier to understand if you‘ve ever had a younger sibling that invented a game and added a new rule every time they started losing.
— Andrew Nadeau (@TheAndrewNadeau) November 7, 2022
Daily reminder Grimes and Elon Musk tried to propose a threesome to Azealia Banks and in the fallout she called Musk 'Apartheid Clyde' and said Grimes smells like a roll of nickels
— yung lean meat (@_Ruskii_) November 3, 2022
Hi, I'm Elon Musk (Parody). Three years after Jeffrey Epstein pled guilty to procuring a child for prostitution and shortly after his release from prison, I took my ex-wife Talulah Riley to his house (Not Parody). Mamma mia, I send-a the calzone into space (Italian Parody). pic.twitter.com/HXvvXhwWv7
— Respectable Lawyer (@RespectableLaw) November 6, 2022
Every Elon post is like watching Joe Pesci enter the Home Alone house
— John Frankensteiner (@JFrankensteiner) November 7, 2022
See more great posts from Better Book Titles:
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