Wow, There's A Sentence I've Never Read Before (New Pics)

I recently revisited Patton Oswalt’s first album, and thought “wow, nothing is going to top the sentence: ‘Buddha has a ghost-penis that lives in your cereal.'” Nevertheless, every day a new and extremely weird, 100% original sentence is written that is stranger than that and yet somehow logical in context.

Thankfully, there’s a whole subreddit devoted to “Brand New Sentences.” If you’ve ever heard a smart person speak who “did the math” or thought some small piece of logic through to its obvious conclusion, chances are you’ve heard something truly bizarre but true come out of their mouth. That’s where a brand new sentence is often born.

Other times, of course, it’s pure nonsense. We can thank the brave wordsmiths on Tumblr for sentences involving “which Pokémon are verifiably into S&M” or whatever. Mostly, though, these sentences were written in a concerted effort to make sense of the world. Unfortunately, the results are horrifying. Or funny.

Let’s read the sentences that novelists and journalists wish they’d come up with. If nothing else, they’re original!