Yes, we all love books here. In fact, you should probably be reading one instead of this website, but come on. You’re on the toilet or the subway right now. That’s no time for mind-expanding fiction.
Sometimes, you want to unwind with a few funny short jokes. Thankfully, that’s really all anyone is posting on Twitter these days (unless you count all the un-Democratic misinformation. There’s always room for that on social media.).
Not everyone is built to write the next great American novel. Some people like to fit their genius ideas into a tweet under 240 characters. That’s good for everyone. We don’t always have the attention span for a long, drawn-out essay about our first sexual experience or a reflection on the pervasive ennui that affects all novelists. None of these people have the attention span to write anything longer, I promise you.
Unless we’re counting a half-hour comedy spec script. Many of the people below have a ton of those. For now, let’s read the funny tweets that deserve a Pulitzer.
Here are the funniest tweets I had time to find this week:
Pretty wild that Sufjan Stevens has been out of breath for over two decades now.
— James Hamilton (@thejamham) December 15, 2021
10:30am is this Person’s Time of the Year.
— Josh Gondelman (@joshgondelman) December 14, 2021
[at my first rodeo]
WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON
— Daniel Kibblesmith (@kibblesmith) December 14, 2021
I’m surprised more dads aren’t furious about climate change because I’ve seen how angry they get when people change the temperature
— mark normand (@marknorm) December 15, 2021
Alaska is “morning sex” because it’s the only time there’s enough sunlight to see anything https://t.co/nVp0LdCUTm
— no great matter (@BringDaNoyz) December 15, 2021
Whoever gives me omicron this holiday season, please include a gift receipt.
— Michael Ian Black (@michaelianblack) December 18, 2021
This is what stand up is like for the first 10 years pic.twitter.com/wlAY74LLbL
— Marcia Belsky (@MarciaBelsky) December 19, 2021
I love how when you break your toe they just tape it to the next toe.That’s like what a child would come up with
— dylan gelula (@DylanGelula) December 14, 2021
People are like “this moment from Succession was so iconic” and the screenshot always looks like this pic.twitter.com/w3yhlftfZw
— Macy Rodman (@MacyRodman) December 14, 2021
the smartest animals:
-owl (wearing graduation cap)
-worm (in an apple; wearing glasses)
— Dana Schwartz 🫀 (@DanaSchwartzzz) December 12, 2021
thinking about people who drive in complete silence. no music, no podcasts, just their own thoughts. chilling
— Brandy Jensen (@BrandyLJensen) December 12, 2021
Why do all courtroom artists draw the same way? For once I’d like to see everyone as Simpsons characters.
— Akilah Hughes (@AkilahObviously) December 13, 2021
The reason I post my tweets on Instagram is because my joke writing is going a lot better than my weight loss journey.
— Dan Wilbur (@DanWilbur) December 18, 2021
Flight attendant: Is there a doctor on board?!
Victor Frankenstein: (raises hand) I actually dropped out of university. It's a really interesting story if you have a minute
— SparkNotes (@SparkNotes) December 17, 2021
the fact that 2021 is already over is proof that time also flies when you are NOT having fun
— trash jones (@jzux) December 14, 2021
See more great content from Better Book Titles:
27 Of The Best Gift Ideas For Book Lovers
30 Hilarious Harry Potter Memes To Celebrate The 20-Year Anniversary Of The First Movie
Everybody’s A Critic – The Best Of The Worst Funny One-Star Reviews On Goodreads
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