Yes, we all love books here. In fact, you should probably be reading one instead of this website, but come on. You’re on the toilet or the subway right now. That’s no time for mind-expanding fiction.
Sometimes, you want to unwind with a few funny short jokes. Thankfully, that’s really all anyone is posting on Twitter these days (unless you count all the un-Democratic misinformation. There’s always room for that on social media.).
Not everyone is built to write the next great American novel. Some people like to fit their genius ideas into a tweet under 240 characters. That’s good for everyone. We don’t always have the attention span for a long, drawn-out essay about our first sexual experience or a reflection on the pervasive ennui that affects all novelists. None of these people have the attention span to write anything longer, I promise you.
Unless we’re counting a half-hour comedy spec script. Many of the people below have a ton of those. For now, let’s read the funny tweets that deserve a Pulitzer.
Here are the funniest tweets I had time to find this week:
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One time on a date in my early 20s I suggested we see The Thing, and as the lights went down, I jokingly asked, “you like scary things, right?” And the guy said brightly “as long as nothing happens to a dog!”
— Emily Gaudette (@emilygmonster) January 22, 2022
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File under excellent bookstore names. pic.twitter.com/ITHQnrnT5I
— Gal Beckerman (@galbeckerman) January 22, 2022
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I highly recommend Wordle…if you have no access to literally any video game ever.
— Luke Thayer (@comedianluke) January 21, 2022
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Holy shit…I just told my wife last night that I didn't want Meatloaf and I wake up to this news. I'm so sorry
— david cross✍ (@davidcrosss) January 21, 2022
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OK SO THE LENGTH OF THE NEW BATMAN IS THREE HOURS BUT I WANT TO KNOW ABOUT THE GIRTH
— Doug Benson (@DougBenson) January 20, 2022
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They would only get four free tests pic.twitter.com/fea1n9Iuiz
— Anya silvrmn (@anya_likesdawg) January 20, 2022
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There's a new Applebees commercial that uses the "Cheers" theme song, and man, if everybody at Applebees knows your name, you really fucked up somewhere
— Chase Mitchell (@ChaseMit) January 19, 2022
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the first person to ever throw up was probably traumatized
— T 🎯 (@CodeineFridge) January 18, 2022
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He knew too much pic.twitter.com/DufjWMT6wc
— Dr. Ada-Rhodes Short 🤖🧠 (@The_Ada_Rhodes) January 17, 2022
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I’d survive scream bc i don’t answer the phone ever
— Marry Kate (@__bosssbitch) January 17, 2022
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People on HGTV love a “vintage farmhouse” but not once has a host put all the toilets outside.
— Dan Wilbur (@DanWilbur) January 19, 2022
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Most of being in a relationship is saying “look at the dog right now”
— Alison Agosti (@AlisonAgosti) January 23, 2022
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See more great content from Better Book Titles:
Here Are Some Hilarious Fake Retitles For Famous Children’s Books (33 Pics)
Wow, There’s A Sentence I’ve Never Read Before (30 Pics)
Everybody’s A Critic – The Best Of The Worst Funny One-Star Reviews On Goodreads
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