This Anonymous Librarian Posts Hilarious Fake Library Statistics (23 Tweets w/ Author Interview)

I’ve spent many years of my life working in bookstores. To my horror, I recently found out there are places all over the country where you can get books for free. They’re called “libraries” and they’re like Blockbuster but for renting reading material.

If you’d like to know more about these strange institutions where you’re not required to actually buy the books you read, you’ve come to the right place. An anonymous librarian on Twitter is revealing the hilarious trends associated with libraries and their patrons.


The account is called @FakeLibStats and it’s both a send-up of librarian stereotypes and a feed that dispels said stereotypes. I had the pleasure of interviewing the creator of the Twitter account, and I was shocked to find librarians are “normal,” “kind,” and “fun.”

funny fake librarian statistics, memes, tweet, better book titles
@FakeLibStats

I know from bookselling that literary people love to party, but I was not sure if librarians played by the same rules. The author made sure to set the record straight: “The worst stereotype is that librarians are quiet. The craziest events I’ve been to as an adult have been with other librarians! The only thing that comes close was parties in college with the crew team.”

I’ll get to more of the interview below. For now, let’s enjoy these hilarious fake statistics about libraries.

Here are the funniest posts from @FakeLibStats:


1. Goals.

funny fake librarian statistics, memes, tweet, better book titles
@FakeLibStats

2. You’re telling me libraries don’t want to look cool instead of being convenient?

funny fake librarian statistics, memes, tweet, better book titles
@FakeLibStats

3. Most jobs are like this, I think.

funny fake librarian statistics, memes, tweet, better book titles
@FakeLibStats

4. Weird but true.

funny fake librarian statistics, memes, tweet, better book titles
@FakeLibStats

I asked how the idea for such a niche comedic concept came about. Our anonymous librarian replied: “I started about ten years ago when I was in a job that was not a great fit and I needed something to lighten my mood. I started with jokes about that job specifically, then more generally about libraries, librarians, and other bookish things.”

And how is it going now at the job that’s a better fit? “At this point, jokes are probably half about work and half about other library-adjacent things.”

5. Please behave yourselves in the library.

funny fake librarian statistics, memes, tweet, better book titles
@FakeLibStats

6. No one in my generation will retire.

funny fake librarian statistics, memes, tweet, better book titles
@FakeLibStats

7. Now we’re talking…

8. Top-tier fashion.

9. Rude.

A lot of the posts are about dealing with the odd patrons of the library. When I asked what the most annoying part of the job is, there was a specific and important response: “The most annoying thing to me isn’t a single question but having to regularly explain to people how libraries are funded.”

“I wish we could give cards to anyone and everyone but most people don’t seem to think about the cost of the items they check out.”

10. Better than a murder.

11. Where to look.

12. True.

13. Grudges run deep when you can’t talk it out at work.

14. Me every year.

15. They know what needs to change!

I worry about libraries and any other public space in the post-pandemic world. Thankfully, there’s hope! “I’ve been working in public libraries since 2007 and in the library world more generally since January 2003, so almost 19 years now. It feels to me that libraries changed temporarily but are starting to get back to where they were before the pandemic.”

Great news! They’re safe and that means more library jokes are coming!

16. Sir, this is not a trash can.

17. Do not disturb.

18. Overachievers, really.

19. Play it close to the cardigan.

20. This is why I don’t tell people I’m a comedian.

21. Tell us how you really feel.

funny fake librarian statistics, memes, tweet, better book titles
@FakeLibStats

22. Good one.

funny fake librarian statistics, memes, tweet, better book titles
@FakeLibStats

23. I never thought about it that way but now I can’t unsee it.

funny fake librarian statistics, memes, tweet, better book titles
@FakeLibStats

When I asked what the last good book they’ve read was, I didn’t realize this question was a no-no!

“I can’t answer that!” they said, “I’ve said many times that you don’t ask a librarian about their favorite book. If you really want to know something ask them about the books they dislike the most.”

See More from @FakeLibStats: Twitter | Facebook

Enjoy more bookish content from Better Book Titles:

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