Yes, we all love books here. In fact, you should probably be reading one instead of this website, but come on. You’re on the toilet or the subway right now. That’s no time for mind-expanding fiction.

Sometimes, you want to unwind with a few funny short jokes. Thankfully, that’s really all anyone is posting on Twitter these days (unless you count all the un-Democratic misinformation. There’s always room for that on social media.).

Not everyone is built to write the next great American novel. Some people like to fit their genius ideas into a tweet under 240 characters. That’s good for everyone. We don’t always have the attention span for a long, drawn-out essay about our first sexual experience or a reflection on the pervasive ennui that affects all novelists. None of these people have the attention span to write anything longer, I promise you.

Unless we’re counting a half-hour comedy spec script. Many of the people below have a ton of those. For now, let’s read the funny tweets that deserve a Pulitzer.

Here are the funniest tweets I had time to find this week:

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banks email like "Ummmmm we have a MESSAGE for you. In your INBOX" and then the message is like "Hello we are your bank"

— steph mccann (@steph_mcca) December 3, 2021

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I went to see the new Macbeth movie but I didn’t want to jinx the theater so I said “one for the Scottish movie” and now I’m watching Trainspotting again.

— Dan Wilbur (@DanWilbur) December 5, 2021

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Contestant on baking show, "Phew. I spent 18 straight hours making this 600-lb holiday cake for these judges. Haven't seen my kids in weeks. I'm tired. I hope they like it…"

Judge, "I DIDN'T TASTE THE BUTTERCREAM!"

— Brian McGuinness (@laughatbrian) December 5, 2021

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I just can’t get past Crumbley is what Roald Dahl would name terrible parents.

— Schooley (@Rschooley) December 4, 2021

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the great thing about America is every generation gets to fight for the same rights

— The Blaine Clause (@blainecapatch) December 2, 2021

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Lifetime appointments should have ended with the invention of penicillin

— gianmarco (@GianmarcoSoresi) December 2, 2021

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I'm calling on joe biden to release 5 million santas from the strategic santa reserve https://t.co/HdmPXXLidU

— jake (@jakecurrie) November 30, 2021

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fat guy strip club called Chippendips

— Klumsy Kaleidoscope (@kylekinane) December 6, 2021

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Only ex i miss is the ex-tra money i used to have

— wop (@wopavelli_) December 5, 2021

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starting a job feels like you’re a new character on the tenth season of a tv show

— 🦚 (@3dLooks) November 30, 2021

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Twitter Wrapped: You posted 253 joke format jokes for a total of 243 likes.

— Too Much Context FreddyG (@OrangeFreddyG) December 1, 2021

See more great content from Better Book Titles:

• 27 Of The Best Gift Ideas For Book Lovers

• 30 Hilarious Harry Potter Memes To Celebrate The 20-Year Anniversary Of The First Movie

• Everybody’s A Critic – The Best Of The Worst Funny One-Star Reviews On Goodreads