Children's Books - Better Book Titles

TITLES: CHILDREN’S BOOKS

A.A. Milne: Winnie-The-Pooh - "The Bear Lebowski"

A.A. Milne: Winnie-The-Pooh

Reader Submission: Django Haskins

A.A. Milne: Winnie-the-Pooh - "Christopher Robin Needs Meds ASAP"

A.A. Milne: Winnie-the-Pooh

Reader Submission: Johnny McNulty

Alvin Schwartz and Stephen Gammell: Scary Stories to Tell in The Dark - "Extremely Frightening Pictures! … also some stories"

Alvin Schwartz and Stephen Gammell: Scary Stories to Tell in The Dark

Antoine de Saint-Exupéry: The Little Prince - "A Delightful PTSD Hallucination"

Antoine de Saint-Exupéry: The Little Prince

Reader Submission: Brian Boone

Antoine de Saint-Exupéry: The Little Prince - "Dating A Flower Feels Very One-Sided"

Antoine de Saint-Exupéry: The Little Prince

Barbara Robinson: The Best Christmas Pageant Ever - "Poor Kids Make Great Theater"

Barbara Robinson: The Best Christmas Pageant Ever

Beatrice Rodriguez: The Chicken Thief - "Stockholm Syndrome Is Good"

Beatrice Rodriguez: The Chicken Thief

Beatrix Potter: The Tale of the Flopsy Bunnies

Beatrix Potter: The Tale of the Flopsy Bunnies

Reader Submission: Adam Vincentz and Norman Urban Boyer

Bill Martin Jr. and John Archambault: Chicka Chicka Boom Boom - "Doesn't Doesn't Scan Scan"

Bill Martin Jr. and John Archambault: Chicka Chicka Boom Boom

Submitted by Eve Penzer

Brothers Grimm: Hansel and Gretel - "Everyone Hates Kids"

Brothers Grimm: Hansel and Gretel

Reader Submission: Abbi Crutchfield

C.S. Lewis: The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe - "Trapped in the Closet"

C.S. Lewis: The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe

Reader Submission: Patrick Smith

Carol V. Aebersold and Chandra A Bell: The Elf on The Shelf

Carol V. Aebersold and Chandra A Bell: The Elf on The Shelf

Carolyn Sherwin Bailey: Miss Hickory - "Squirrel-Interrupted"

Carolyn Sherwin Bailey: Miss Hickory

Charles M. Schulz: A Charlie Brown Christmas - "Acting Sad Will Make Your Friends Pay Attention To You"

Charles M. Schulz: A Charlie Brown Christmas

Charles M. Schulz: Peanuts - "Your Dog Is Probably Cooler Than You"

Charles M. Schulz: Peanuts

Reader Submission: Eli Lebowicz

Charles Schulz: Peanuts - "Sad, Depressing Children and Their Many Many Failures"

Charles Schulz: Peanuts

Reader Submission: Joshua Love

Chris Van Allsburg: Jumanji - "We Fought a Zoo"

Chris Van Allsburg: Jumanji

Reader Submission: Jake Currie

Chris Van Allsburg: Jumanji - "Never Leave Your Kids Home Alone"

Chris Van Allsburg: Jumanji

Chris Van Allsburg: The Polar Express - "If You’re a Very Good Boy, Santa Might Kidnap You"

Chris Van Allsburg: The Polar Express

Reader Submission: Babe Parker

Chris Van Allsburg: The Polar Express - "Don't Stop Believin'"

Chris Van Allsburg: The Polar Express

Chris Van Allsburg: The Polar Express - "The North Pole Has Better Public Transit Than Most American Cities"

Chris Van Allsburg: The Polar Express

Reader Submission: Meg Favreau

Christoph Niemann: The Police Cloud - "The Future of Google"

Christoph Niemann: The Police Cloud

Cinderella - "A Prince Finds Love Thanks To His Foot Fetish"

Cinderella

Reader Submission: Ken Schultz

Clement Clarke Moore (Illustrated by Jan Brett): The Night Before Christmas - "Botched Home Invasion"

Clement Clarke Moore (Illustrated by Jan Brett): The Night Before Christmas

Clement Clarke Moore: The Night Before Christmas - "The Night Before Christmas In a Thankfully Non-Gun-Owning Household"

Clement Clarke Moore: The Night Before Christmas

Reader Submission: Jake Currie

Doreen Cronin and Betsy Lewin: Click, Clack, Moo: Cows That Type - "Animals Should Not Have Collective Bargaining Rights"

Doreen Cronin and Betsy Lewin: Click, Clack, Moo: Cows That Type

Dr. Seuss: Green Eggs and Ham - "Getting to Yes"

Dr. Seuss: Green Eggs and Ham

Reader Submission: Django Haskins

Dr. Seuss: How the Grinch Stole Christmas! - "People Commend A Shitty Guy For Becoming Slightly Less Shitty"

Dr. Seuss: How the Grinch Stole Christmas!

Dr. Seuss: Oh, The Places You’ll Go! - "Last-Minute Graduation Gift"

Dr. Seuss: Oh, The Places You’ll Go!

Reader Submission: Tyler Snodgrass

Dr. Seuss: The Cat in the Hat - "New Dad Is The Best Dad"

Dr. Seuss: The Cat in the Hat

Dr. Seuss: The Lorax - "An Inconvenient Truth"

Dr. Seuss: The Lorax

EB White Charlotte's Web Better Book title The Spectacular Sow

E.B. White Charlotte’s Web

E.B. White: Charlotte’s Web - "Words with Friends"

E.B. White: Charlotte’s Web

Reader Submission: Joe Tarantino

E.B. White: Charlotte’s Web - "Spiders Make Great Publicists"

E.B. White: Charlotte’s Web

E.T.A Hoffman and Maurice Sendak: The Nutcracker - "Even In Your Wildest Dreams The Only Men Interested In You Will Have Weird Teeth And Be Made Of Wood"

E.T.A Hoffman and Maurice Sendak: The Nutcracker

Ellen Raskin The Westing Game Retitled Clue Better book titles

Ellen Raskin: The Westing Game

Eric Carle: The Very Hungry Caterpillar - "Eat Until You Feel Pretty"

Eric Carle: The Very Hungry Caterpillar

Esphyr Slobodkina: Caps for Sale - "Monkey See, Monkey Steal A Poor Person’s Livelihood"

Esphyr Slobodkina: Caps for Sale

Grimm’s Fairy Tales - "Beautiful People Are Good, Ugly People Are Evil"

Grimm’s Fairy Tales

Grimm’s Fairy Tales - "Children Should Be Traumatized"

Grimm’s Fairy Tales

Reader Submission: Monica Hamburg

Grimm’s Fairy Tales - "Everyone Gets Married, Murdered, Or Dipped Into A Vat Of Boiling Oil And Snakes"

Grimm’s Fairy Tales

Grimm’s Fairy Tales - "Never Trust Your Step-Mother"

Grimm’s Fairy Tales

H.A. Rey: Curious George - "Getting Kidnapped is Fine so Long as The Kidnapper Wears a Yellow Hat"

H.A. Rey: Curious George

Harriet Ziefert: The Princess and The Pea - "Is your absolute threshold low enough to run a country?"

Harriet Ziefert: The Princess and The Pea

Reader Submission: Meriel

Jack and the Beanstalk - "Redeem Your Mistakes Through Homicide"

Jack and the Beanstalk

Reader Submission: Ken Schultz

Jack Gantos: Rotten Ralph - "Cats are Assholes"

Jack Gantos: Rotten Ralph

Reader Submission: Michelle Bard

James Marshall and Harry Allard: Miss Nelson Is Missing! - "Schizophrenics make the best teachers!"

James Marshall and Harry Allard: Miss Nelson Is Missing!

Reader Submission: Ken Schultz

Jan Brett: The Mitten - "If You Lose Something, It Will Return to You Covered in Animal Feces"

Jan Brett: The Mitten

Jean de Brunhoff: The Story of Babar - "French Colonialism For Kids!" better book titles

Jean de Brunhoff: The Story of Babar

Jon Klassen: I Want My Hat Back - "If Someone Lies To You, Murder Him And Lie About Murdering Him"

Jon Klassen: I Want My Hat Back

Jon Klassen: This is Not My Hat - "Murder Is OK If No One Sees It"

Jon Klassen: This is Not My Hat

Judi Barrett and Ron Barrett: Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs - "The Last Story Grandpa Told Us Before We Put Him In A Home"

Judi Barrett and Ron Barrett: Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs

Judith Viorst and Ray Cruz: Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day - "Cheer Up. This is How You’ll Feel Every Day As An Adult"

Judith Viorst and Ray Cruz: Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day

Laura Numeroff: If You Give A Mouse a Cookie - "Mice Have No Boundaries"

Laura Numeroff: If You Give A Mouse a Cookie

Reader Submission: Abbi Crutchfield

Little Red Riding Hood - "Never Visit Your Grandmother"

Little Red Riding Hood

Submitted by Eli Lebowicz

Marcus Pfister: The Rainbow Fish - "The Give-Away-Everything-That-Make-You-Unique Fish"

Marcus Pfister: The Rainbow Fish

Reader Submission: Paul Day

Marcus Pfister: The Rainbow Fish - "No One Should Be Special" funny better book title

Marcus Pfister: The Rainbow Fish

Reader submission from Riha Prophet from WCU’s FHG Library.

Margaret Wise Brown: Goodnight Moon - "An OCD Bunny Finally Goes To Sleep"

Margaret Wise Brown: Goodnight Moon

Reader Submission: Django Haskins

Margery Williams: The Velveteen Rabbit - "Scarlet Fever is Only Slightly Worse Than Bed Bugs"

Margery Williams: The Velveteen Rabbit

Maurice Sendak: In The Night Kitchen - "Dicks Are For Kids"

Maurice Sendak: In The Night Kitchen

Reader Submission: John Molina

Maurice Sendak: Where the Wild Things Are - "Skipping Dinner Is Like Dropping Acid"

Maurice Sendak: Where the Wild Things Are

Reader Submission: John Molina

Mo Willems: Knuffle Bunny - "Brooklyn Dads Aren’t The Most Attentive"

Mo Willems: Knuffle Bunny

Mo Willems: Knuffle Bunny – “Brooklyn Dads Aren’t The Most Attentive”

Mo Willems: That Is NOT a Good Idea! - "Gone Girl for Preschoolers"

Mo Willems: That Is NOT a Good Idea!

Reader Submission: Casey, Christy, Erin

Norton Juster: The Phantom Tollbooth - "Trick Yourself Into Learning So It Doesn't Feel Like Torture"

Norton Juster: The Phantom Tollbooth

Reader Submission: Anya Garrett

Paul M. Maier: The Very First Christmas - "Knocked Up"

Paul M. Maier: The Very First Christmas

R.L. Stine: Goosebumps Series - "Your Mom Was Just Glad You Were Reading Something"

R.L. Stine: Goosebumps Series

Reader Submission: Brian Boone

Raymond Briggs: The Snowman "How to lose friends who can't survive at room temperature"

Raymond Briggs: The Snowman

Raymond Briggs: The Snowman - "Don’t Get Too Close to Your Friends or The Sun Will Kill Them"

Raymond Briggs: The Snowman

Rhonda Gowler Greene: The Very First Thanksgiving Day - "No Good Deed Goes Unpunished"

Rhonda Gowler Greene: The Very First Thanksgiving Day

Reader Submission: John Wilbur

Roald Dahl: Charlie and the Chocolate Factory - "A Bunch of Kids Visit the Kid-Torturing Factory"

Roald Dahl: Charlie and the Chocolate Factory

Roald Dahl: Charlie and the Chocolate Factory - "Being a shitty kid is punishable...by death."

Roald Dahl: Charlie and the Chocolate Factory

Reader Submission: Kelly Diamond

Roald Dahl: Charlie and the Chocolate Factory - "Another Lottery That's Just a Tax on the Poor"

Roald Dahl: Charlie and the Chocolate Factory

Reader Submission: Stefan Sirucek

Roald Dahl: Charlie and the Chocolate Factory - "How To Succeed In Business Without Really Trying"

Roald Dahl: Charlie and the Chocolate Factory

Reader Submission: Abbi Crutchfield

Roald Dahl: James and the Giant Peach - "It's OK If Giant Fruit Kills Your Aunts So Long As They Were Bitches"

Roald Dahl: James and the Giant Peach

Roald Dahl: James and the Giant Peach - "The Case for Organic Farming"

Roald Dahl: James and the Giant Peach

Reader Submission: Shira Danan

Roald Dahl: Matilda - "Adults Are Horrible"

Roald Dahl: Matilda

Reader Submission: Abbi Crutchfield

Roald Dahl: The BFG - "To Catch An Overgrown Predator"

Roald Dahl: The BFG

Reader Submission: Abbi Crutchfield

Roger Price: Mad Libs - "How Many Hyphenated Dirty Words Can I Fit Into This Story About Camp?"

Roger Price: Mad Libs

Shel Silverstein: The Giving Tree - "Call Your Mom"

Shel Silverstein: The Giving Tree

Stan and Jan Berenstain: The Berenstain Bears Series - "Moral Lessons from a family of Predators"

Stan and Jan Berenstain: The Berenstain Bears Series

Reader Submission: Ken Schultz

William Steig: Pete’s a Pizza - "Some Old People Threaten To Eat A Child"

William Steig: Pete’s a Pizza

funny better book titles for wilson rawls where the red fern grows, the dog days are over

Wilson Rawls: Where The Red Fern Grows